To My Friend, on the Morning of Her Boob Job
To my friend, on the morning of your boob job:
I know you won’t read this, and even if you do it won’t change your mind. But there are some things I need to say.
Sometime in the next 8 hours, you will be lying half naked on an operating table, with orange antibacterial swipes across your breasts, surrounded by people who see dollar signs when they look at you, people who know this is a bad idea because you’re still so young that your body may very well change and you’re doing this for the wrong reasons but don’t care, because you’re paying for their big houses and their swimming pools and their kids’ braces. This image breaks my heart.
And after they swab your skin, they are going to cut into you, beautiful you, and you will never be the same again. There will be something foreign there, something that makes you feel even less connected with the body you loathe despite its utter perfection and perfect proportionality, and there will be scars where they stitch your flesh back together to hold the implants in.
It will not make you love yourself more. It will not make him want you back — and if it does I will personally kick his butt because that would mean that he’s not the person either of us thought he was. It will not make you better or more beautiful. Your breasts will be bigger but what’s on the inside won’t change, and that’s what you’re really trying to enhance with this surgery.
It’s your choice, I understand that, but I wish you would wait, think it through, decide against it. You’re, what, 19? Your boobs are still new, still figuring out what they’re going to do. And in a few years, who knows whether they’ll bust out on their own. It’s not like you can’t do it later if you want. But do you really need to do this right now? Do you really need the recovery time taken off from work right now? Do you really need the painful hours of lying half-propped-up with your chest bound, thinking about what you’ve done? Do you really need the $6,000 debt?
You made the decision a week and a half ago, on a whim, and it’s going to be with you forever. It’s not like a piercing that you can take out and have only the tiniest of scars remaining, or a tattoo that you can cover up or have remove. It’s not subtle. These are your boobs, the first part of you to enter a room, the most prominent part of your profile. Yes, you can get them removed later (for another $6,000, I suspect), but you’ll still have the scars, the stretched-out skin, the second major recovery period, the second set of risks from a surgery you just don’t need.
When I look at you, I will always see you as you’ve been your whole life until today, small breasts and all, and I will still think you’re beautiful. I just wish you could look in the mirror and see that, too. I wish you would see that it’s not going to change anything. I wish you would cancel your appointment and never go back.
Tags: boob-job, breast-agumentation, breast-implant, Cosmetic surgery, woman, women, Womens-HealthRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Beauty, Cosmetic surgery, Medicine, Mind, Women's Issues
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27 opinions for To My Friend, on the Morning of Her Boob Job
Rebecca
Aug 23, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Your heartfelt post brings a tear to my eye this morning. I send a wish to your friend of peace and love.
Katharine
Aug 23, 2007 at 3:43 pm
And, Kristen’s friend, the surgery may decrease your chances of successfully breastfeeding the babies you may one day have. Do you really want to risk their future health?
Kristen King
Aug 23, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Thanks, Rebecca. :]
Katharine, that was a big concern for me, too! She loves kids and wants to have about a million babies. I hope her doctor made all of the risks clear to hear, though I suspect that he did not because I don’t think she’d be going through with this if he had.
kk
Administrator
Aug 23, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Well written. And I agree, if only friends could see themselves as beautiful and see what we see in them as people… I do wish your friend luck and a quick recovery!
Lullaby
Aug 23, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Thank you for reminding me my decision not to have one was wise
Christina
Aug 23, 2007 at 6:53 pm
Oy - this is beautiful, Kristen, and so heartfelt. One of my friends had a boob job when she was 19 - but I was 19 too, and didn’t know any better to try to talk her out of it. I don’t think she has ever regretted it (she WAS flat as a pancake), and I hope your friend doesn’t either. It is so important to love yourself, flaws and all, I hope your friend sees that some day.
Kristen King
Aug 23, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Thanks, guys. :] I share your hopes for her…
Cory
Aug 24, 2007 at 6:15 am
What a fabulous post. This sounds sort of weird, so I hope you know what I mean when I say you are going to make a great mom if/when you have kids someday! Every girl should have this kind of knock-some-sense-into-you talking to.
alicia
Aug 24, 2007 at 10:03 am
I wish you had been able to print this and give it to your friend before surgery - though I suspect you already told her everything you wrote.
I wish every woman was born with the desire to leave her body as is, but for exercise and eating well, of course. I came to terms with my modest chest several years ago. We have perks just like bigger busted women have. If every woman would spend as much time enjoying her own body as she did the bodies of others, well, we’d have a bunch of happy females who could then dedicate their energies toward something good.
I don’t believe we humans were created with the ability to advance so far in medicine and science just to enlarge boobs. And it saddens me when I see people spend so much money on superficial reasons, when there are so many children in the world could go to bed without growling bellies tonight if that $6,000 were spent another way.
How do you look at a homeless family with $6,000 in your hand and say, “Sorry, I need new tits.” I pretty sure that’s not what your friend is consciously doing, but that’s what’s happening.
Great article KK, I may spin off it in a few days.
Linda
Aug 26, 2007 at 10:36 pm
^ So then I suppose you dont ever buy anything new or anything you dont need right? ie, trendy clothes, electronics, fancy dinners, etc.?
Cosmetic Surgery is your own decision and maybe she made a stupid decision and maybe she didnt. You dont know because you arent her.
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Aug 26, 2007 at 10:47 pm
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Kristen King
Aug 27, 2007 at 12:29 am
Linda, are you seriously comparing major, medically unnecessary, life-altering surgery to buying low-rise jeans? I don’t even know what to say to that.
You’re right, I’m not her, but I KNOW her. Yeah, it’s her decision. And I’m her friend, and I personally feel it was the wrong one — not because I find cosmetic surgery inherently evil, but because I think she’s making changes on the outside instead of dealing with the issues on the inside that aren’t going to go away when she has bigger boobs.
alicia
Aug 27, 2007 at 10:04 am
Linda - I agree with Kristen. There is no arguable way to compare major, medically unnecessary, life-altering surgery to buying low-rise jeans. Or electronics and fancy dinners, for that matter.
No one ever said it wasn’t her decision - most of us simply expressed that it was most likely a bad decision given the underlying reasons, which are issues she hasn’t learned to deal with yet. In addition, I also feel it was a poor choice of spending money, as I stated.
No, I don’t spend money on fancy dinners or electronics. I’m a very simple girl and I personally can’t justify it. The last “electronic” I bought was a cell phone plan, and the phone came free. I haven’t bought “trendy” clothes in years, literally, choosing instead to purchase things on sale and take care of them.
I’m not saying Kristen’s friend should act like me. I didn’t always make these kinds of money choices; my life and the ways in which I eventually started thinking as an adult and discover my own priorities led me to make them. But I did say I can think of other and better ways to spend $6,000, and I stick by that. There are.
Melissa
Aug 31, 2007 at 8:16 am
I’m sorry but I think I have the wrong reaction after reading this… I just can’t stop laughing.
Kristen King
Sep 9, 2007 at 10:47 pm
Thanks, Alicia. You furthered the point I was trying to make.
Melissa, I think we all react to these things in different ways. I’m just glad you’re thinking about your reaction — that’s what’s important here.
kk
How Focusing on Blog Post Titles Won Me an iPod | Inkthinker
Sep 9, 2007 at 10:58 pm
[…] — and won — a blog post title contest with my somewhat controversial post “To My Friend, on the Morning of Her Boob Job” on Lively Women. And the prize — this is so cool — is an iPod Shuffle! How […]
Kristen King
Sep 15, 2007 at 9:19 pm
I received this comment privately from someone who also knows my friend, and am posting it anonymously here with her permission.
Wow. Thank you, Kristen, for saying all the things I tried to convey to her. I wanted to lock her in a room until she came to her senses — but maybe she already had HER senses, and I wanted her to come to MY senses. I knew she had made up her (impulsive) mind and nothing could change it. Thanks for the article.
DocKnockers
Oct 4, 2007 at 4:14 am
Yeah but, after the surgery she’ll finally have a big rack, and lets face it - in this world big tits means a lot more than a college degree.
I wish your friend and her new huge boobs, the best.
alicia
Oct 4, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Ha! I beg to differ DocKnockers! (But I see the point you’re trying to make, haha.)
Several years ago, before I knew I had bipolar disorder (and was therefore running a muck with no treatment or even idea of why I was compelled to do what I was doing), I got myself into a world of…well, let’s just say sh**. If it weren’t for my college degree - and education, because let’s face it, sometimes those degrees really are just pretty pieces of paper - I’d probably still be living at my parents trying to figure out what the crap to do with myself in the aftermath.
I have “small tits” and Lord knows they wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere, haha.
Kristen, if you’re reading this, have you done an update on how your friend’s life is going (mentally, too) now that the surgery’s been performed? I apologize if you have and I just haven’t seen it - my computer was fried for a while and I’d been limiting Internet use to work only.
Too embarrased to name myself
Oct 26, 2007 at 2:28 pm
The pressure to have big boobs completely sucks. Totally and completely sucks. I feel like I’m not allowed to like myself the way I am (small). It’s a life of shame and it sucks. I am signed up for a boob job that I don’t want on Dec. 4, but I feel like I need it to fit in at work. I’m 37 years old and have a bachelor’s degree. It is so pathetic.
alicia
Oct 26, 2007 at 4:51 pm
What?! “Too embarrassed,” if you don’t want a boob job, don’t get one honey! You are allowed to like anything you want, and that includes your body the way it is now. It sounds as if the money for your boob job would be better spent talking to a professional about building up your low self esteem. I hope so much that this post and all these responses will help you change your mind.
Too embarrased to name myself
Oct 31, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Yesterday I talked to a center that specializes in Body Dysmorphic Disorder to get some help, but it sounds expensive and time-consuming. It was discouraging. If I never had to leave my house, I totally wouldn’t do this. I love sleeping on my stomach.
Kristen King
Nov 11, 2007 at 7:53 pm
I think looking into BDD treatment is a good idea. Think of it this way: a little time and a little money now for a lifetime of happiness, or skipping it and being miserable forever. Is it still a tough choice? Let’s talk more about this in our e-mail discussion.
kk
Alex
Nov 27, 2007 at 10:43 am
I’m 24 and I’ve had a boob job.. in fact I’ve had 2! Yes it’s expensive but it gave me back what pregnancy took away and I have never regretted my choice. I’m sane there’s nothing wrong with me, the only thing thats changed is that my confidence is so much greater than before. The support of my friends and family was very important before and after the surgery. How could you not be there for her?
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Jan 21, 2008 at 8:18 pm
[…] from the fact that, in the cases being discussed in the article, it’s an unnecessary surgery, which is never something I support, there are risks of infection, risks associated with anesthesia, and a significant recovery time […]
Sarah
Mar 13, 2008 at 10:42 pm
When you’re not completely happy with yourself on the outside, you’ll never show all of you’ve got on the inside.
I underwent breast augmentation surgery when i was 20 and it was the best decision i have ever made. I did it 100% for myself, and i feel so much better about myself (i went from an AA to a B). Plastic surgery is a very personal choice, and no one can decide whether to do it or not other than the person themselves.
It is very unlikely that breast will grow past the age of 18, let alone 19-20. And the way surgery is done these days is VERY unlikely that it will hurt anyone’s chances of breast feeding. The scars fade very quickly (i am 6 months post op now and they’re invisible- i had them under my breasts), and all i am left with now are fantastic breasts that i was meant to have.
You never know how people feel unless you are them. So best thing you could’ve done is be there for your friend and support her, instead of trying to talk her out of it. My best friend was there with me from the time i told her i was going to do it till 1 month after the surgery when everything was back to normal (+ fantastic breasts :P). And, there was no way i was going to feel so good about doing it if it wasn’t for her.
Lea Mac
Apr 30, 2008 at 11:57 am
I have to agree with Sarah 100%, While I do also agree with some things that Alicia, Linda & Kristen say too. (you all seem really sweet)
The most important thing here is for such a young girl KK you seem like a very sincere friend. I’m sure you supported your friend during and afterwards. No matter how hard, cos that’s what friends do.
As it has almost been 12 months since your original post I’m curious to know how your friend is?
Does she love her new boobs?
Is she happy inside & out??
Are you guys still best mates?
Does she understand the point you were trying to make?
A lot of my friends think that getting plastic surgery done is so vain & we should be happy with what we were given. However, as time goes by they are starting to come around to the idea… I’m yet to get my surgery done (this year I hope) but its not for my friends, my kids, my hubby or others… Its simply for ME and why not. God there are other parts of my body that I need work on. But nothing a little bit of HARD WORK wont fix. After breastfeeding my hungry little babies I have very undesirable breasts, and no diet or exercise is ever going to prop them back up the way the once were.
Oh yeah & Just for the record DocKnockers, Wankers like you should be able to have brain implants. You have small minded & small appendage syndrome. & I bet your short too. lol
Just one persons opinion.
All the best.
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