Lively Women

23 opinions for Speaking of Female Role Models… Carrie Underwood As Vengeful Girlfriend

• Tracee Sioux
  May 29, 2007 at 9:35 pm

  I actually think this song is kind of empowering in a “perhaps you shouldn’t have done that” kind of way. I confess to keying and flattening tires of my ex-boyfriends car. He did beat me up - it’s the least I could do.

  But, I kind of think this song is like what you imagine doing or what you talk with your girlfriends about doing to the jerk who cheats on you. That is if you’re in high school or college. Now, there is no way I’d waste my time or emotional energy or risk getting put in jail for vandalism. But, in high school or college I didn’t have my current sense of mortality.

  Here at So Sioux Me http://www.traceesioux.blogspot.com and www://blogfabulous.com we have an angry past. With legitimate reasons, of course.

• carole harris
  May 31, 2007 at 8:14 pm

  I’m not sure how empowering this is. I saw above someone making a statement that this song was empowering.

  How is violence or revenge empowering? Don’t get me wrong, Carrie is pretty and talented, but I don’t agree with the revenge getting. I am a mom of two beautiful school age children and this is not something I want them singing, or giving Carrie kudos about. IS it better than rap…? I’d say on the same level. It shows the same amt. of disrespect. What she is saying in her lyrics is, okay, you cheated on me, let me show you my disrespect for you and destroy your property. I understand country and all of that, and I’m a huge fan of country…I just don’t like how that song plays.

  No one deserves to have violence inflicted upon them or personal belongs.

  “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
  I know this is a different world then when Eleanor Roosevelt grew up in….but her quote still reins true in so many ways here!

• Kristen King
  May 31, 2007 at 8:42 pm

  Tracee, I’m so sorry to hear that you had to deal with an abusive relationship. But did it make you feel better to key his car and flatten his tires? (I’m sure at the time it felt great, but I’m talking long term.) If you had it to do over again, would you do it again?

  Carole, I think it’s supposed to be empowering, to demonstrate that women can stand up for themselves when they’re being taken advantage of in relationships, but I think the message is just really, really misguided. I feel that it demonstrates much more power to confront the situation head on rather than to direct the attention toward destroying property. So say your boyfriend or whoever cheats on you. What good does it do to carve your name into his leather upholstery (other than to give the police more evidence that it was actually you)? How does that really empower you? How does it demonstrate that you’re worth more than the way you’re being treated?

  I’m fortunate to say that I’ve never been on either end of an abusive or unfaithful relationship, so I honestly can’t say how I would react were I put into that situation. But knowing myself as I do, if I were to do someone wrong, I definitely don’t think them bashing in my headlights with a baseball bat would make me feel guilty about it. It might even make me feel a little more justified, honestly.

  What do you guys think?

  Kristen

• Tracee Sioux
  May 31, 2007 at 10:55 pm

  I know the answer you’d like to hear is “No, it made me feel terrible and I would never do it again.”

  But, Hell Yeah it made me feel a little better. I wish I would’ve done way worse. That creep was a total pedophile (I was like 13 when he told me I was so cool, much cooler than his own age - 21!) I wish I would’ve had his butt thrown in jail. Keying his car was minor. If I saw him now I don’t know what I would do. But, back then I was a 16 year old girl who’d been victimized for years by him.

  If my husband today where to cheat on me then no way would I vandalize his car. But, I’m 33 years old and more mature and have kids to think about. I have a lot more REAL power behind me now with an education and career and experience, etc. Back then though I had no real power at all.

  You have to remember that Carrie Underwood is still quite young. The young think things like vandalism will teach someone a lesson. That it won’t have that effect is kind of beside the point.

  Tracee

• Kristen King
  May 31, 2007 at 11:30 pm

  He sounds like a total predator. It just have been really hard to get out of that situation.

  What I was really getting at is that although it was probably an incredible relief to “pay back” the person who had victimized you, in the long run it didn’t really change what happened. It probably didn’t make him sorry, and it probably didn’t keep him from doing it again to someone else. At sixteen, that wasn’t your problem and it still isn’t, but that’s kind of the general point I was trying to get at.

  I feel a little bit weird talking about a real-life situation because I don’t want you to feel like I’m attacking you or anything. I don’t know what it was like for you and like I said, I don’t know exactly how I would react if I had been put into a situation like that.

  But I think you make a really great point that maturity and education are what really empower people. The contrast is being young and ignorant of other options (not stupid, just unaware of what else to do). Lashing out with violence isn’t power, it’s desperation. You dig? So to treat this song like a girl power anthem, which is how it’s being received, is just so far off the mark.

  And I think it’s worth noting that Carrie Underwood didn’t write the song. Two guys named Chris Tompkins and Josh Kear did. (Incidentally, I have no idea how old they are, but I think it’s extremely interesting that the songwriters are male.)

  Authorship aside, the fact that she chose to perform it and agreed to the video is what gets me. She’s condoning the message by performing them. And now, instead of looking for other options and seeking real power, either their own or someone else’s, a whole generation of young girls are going to use as their example this beautiful blond American Idol rags-to-riches success story who’s slashing her maybe-cheating boyfriend’s tires.

  It doesn’t matter to them that it’s a character and she didn’t even write the song. Carrie Underwood did it. And it was cool and sexy. I have a huge problem with that.

• Tracee Sioux
  Jun 1, 2007 at 12:21 am

  I totally agree with you.

  Real power is vague. It’s hard to put into words. I think people resort to violence when they feel they have lost power over their lives. For instance, if you did nothing wrong, but your lover is cheating on you. Then the knee-jerk reaction is to do something powerful, or something that will make you feel like you have some power and control over your destiny.

  Definately vandalism will not achieve that goal.

  But, what will?

  I think it’s a difficult concept because walking away and never looking back and knowing that he lost out and learning to pick better men is probably what real empowerment is. Choosing to see that it’s not because you weren’t good enough and not allowing it to effect your self esteem would be an empowering choice.

  But, that kind of power isn’t very instantly gratifying and comes with maturity, perspective, education, spiritual growth, etc..

  Tracee

• ShoRtiI
  Aug 3, 2007 at 11:59 pm

  I think this song isnt telling girls to go out and destroy mens property if they are cheating but yet to get even and show him that u know hes cheating and it means alot as his car means alot to him…

• Kristen King
  Aug 6, 2007 at 2:00 pm

  No, I’m sorry, but it most definitely is suggesting that destroying a boyfriend’s car is the best way to deal with his cheating. There’s nothing in here about showing him that it means a lot. You said it: “to get even.” It’s about revenge. And she doesn’t even know he’s cheating, she just suspects it.

  kk

• Poopy
  Oct 19, 2007 at 4:04 am

  Carrie Underwood Is FABULOUS!!!

• Kristen King
  Oct 19, 2007 at 5:17 am

  I don’t doubt her fabulosity, but I do question her judgment. This song is appalling.

  kk

• Lee Bailey
  Feb 14, 2008 at 8:48 pm

  I’ve never seen the video, but I’ve heard the song, and from the first time I heard it, I was absolutely shocked! I was shocked that any singer would agree to sing it, or that any radio station would agree to play it. I’m also very surprised that so few people posted here to denounce the song. If a man did any such thing to a WOMAN’s car, I expect his actions would be considered as a threat to her safety and as grounds for a restraining order, if not an assault charge (in my country, a threat is an “assault” under our law). I’m glad my kids are not old enough to have been influenced by this song (we don’t listen to country music in this family anyway). I’m a female “Lee” by the way, in case it makes any difference.

• Kristen King
  Feb 15, 2008 at 2:17 pm

  Lee, the video is even worse than the lyrics alone (which are horrible). I still can’t believe this song. Ugh. Every time it comes on the radio, I turn it off. I would encourage others to do the same.

  kk

• Cosmo: “For Whores and Idiots”
  Mar 6, 2008 at 5:21 pm

  […] by the Cosmo Confessions feature in which one woman’s particularly heinous deeds, like pulling a Carrie Underwood, are highlighted and rated on their level of evilness or justification by "women on the […]

• Maria
  Mar 15, 2008 at 3:15 am

  jeez! take a chill pill! a girl can’t have ONE song that’s just for fun?! Girls all over the U.S aren’t going to go around vandalizing property just because they heard it in some song. Carrie has ONE song that’s just a fun thing and that doesn’t mean she’s a bad role model for kids. It’s not like she goes around telling people to ruin their ex’s cars!
  If you have nothing better to do than pick apart song lyrics and twisting the Artists’ image, you need to GET A LIFE.

• Kristen King
  Mar 17, 2008 at 1:55 pm

  Maria, I think we have to agree to disagree on this one. “Barbie Girl”? Fun song. “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”? Fun song. “Jump, Jive, and Wail”? Fun song. “Stayin’ Alive”? Fun song. “Before He Cheats” is NOT fun, and yes, she IS telling impressionable young girls that slashing your boyfriend’s tires and bashing in his headlights with a baseball bat is both okay and cool.

• Maria
  Mar 17, 2008 at 4:43 pm

  Kristen:
  ok so now are you going to tell me that Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone” is also detrimental to America’s youth? There are artists out there whose music consists ONLY of sexual and explicit language. Cracking on American Idols such as Carrie Underwood instead of other slimeballs who do NOTHING for charity is a waste of time and effort. Carrie is actively involved in charity efforts and stands for strong women with goals. Is ONE song enough to render everything else she’s done inconsequential? If you’re going to write about someone’s bad influence, go read up on Justin Timberlake or some of today’s rappers.

• Kristen King
  Mar 17, 2008 at 5:09 pm

  Maria, I never said that the rest of what Carrie Underwood does is worthless. In fact, I had nice things to say about some of her other songs, if you read the post again. And it’s nice that she does volunteer work, but that’s not what we’re talking about. I stand by my assertion that “Before He Cheats” sends a bad message to young girls who look up to Carrie, and I think that is worth discussing.

  Now as far as Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone” goes, I don’t see the connection aside from the fact that Kelly is also an American Idol winner. There’s nothing the lyrics to “Since U Been Gone” that advocates violence as a solution to relationship problems. Unless there’s some hidden meaning I’m missing, I think it presents a pretty healthy breakup handled with self-respect.

  Regarding Justin Timberlake, Snoop Dogg, Fergie, and whoever else you want to get into, that’s a different discussion entirely, and I don’t think this is the place for it. Here, we’re talking about women’s health, psychological and physical, and the point of this post is that this particular artist with a particularly impressionable young female audience is sending a detrimental message with a negative impact on young women’s emotional well-being and concept of relationships.

• Maria
  Mar 17, 2008 at 9:40 pm

  “Since U Been Gone” is relevant because Kelly’s music video is of her completely tearing apart everything in her ex-boyfriend’s apartment. if we’re speaking strictly lyrics, then I’ll drop that one.

  If girls base their entire concept of relationships on one song, then they have some serious personal problems, and Carrie is not at fault. I don’t know of ANYONE who heard that song and acted on the lyrics. If you can give me one CREDIBLE example about a woman who destroyed her boyfriend’s car because of that one song, then I’ll agree with you. But seriously, making such a big deal about one song by a respectable female artist is just ridiculous.

• Kristen King
  Mar 17, 2008 at 10:45 pm

  M, I I found the “Since U Been Gone” video online and I see what you mean. Yes, I have a major problem with the video but I think the lyrics themselves are innocuous without it. However, I wouldn’t let my kid watch that video! And I certainly wouldn’t watch it again. But that aside, yeah, I’m talking lyrics. The video for “Before He Cheats” is awful, but the song is, IMO, damaging without the video, and the video is icing on the cake.

  I don’t think it’s necessary to find a specific instance incited by this song to be able to assert that it has a negative impact. Look at the comments teen girls are leaving on the video. The fact that they even think this is cool or say things like “this song is so good and its so right i would so do that to any *** who cheated on all this” and “Carrie got violent but he deserved it for cheating” is the problem. They think this is the right way to handle relationship issues, that this is how to get respect from men, that revenge is peachy. If you don’t have a problem with that, fine. But I most definitely do.

• Maria
  Mar 18, 2008 at 12:23 am

  FYI, I have a little sibling, and my ENTIRE family watches the videos for “Before He Cheats” and “Since U Been Gone” without any issues. Because my parents have enough sense to know that their kids are not crazy enough to enact a music video. and it seems that other kids aren’t either. and yes, it does matter that you can’t find any specific incidence. because without concrete evidence of the impact you claim this song has, your argument is useless.

  just because a bunch of teen girls post supportive things on youtube doesn’t mean they’ll actually go and vandalize someone’s property. do you think that every time a person posts on the internet they’re dead serious about every word? They say they would do it hypothetically, but in real life, sane people think about the whole going to jail bit. This song does not mean that Carrie supports vandalism, nor does it mean that it’s the way everyone should act when put in a crappy position by an ex.

  My take on why our views are different is that you’re a mother who’s WAY over-protective of her children to the point of irrationality, and I’m an 18-year-old girl who grew up with a large media influence. I have a friend with an over-protective mother, and she lies to her all the time so she can escape the little “safety box” her mom has created so faithfully. My parents always gave me freedom with what I listen to and which music videos I watch. Because they’re not over-protective of me, I always tell them where I am and where I’m going. I’m a teen and I have *never* commited *any* sort of crime. I haven’t stepped into a club, and never touched drugs. I never did things I wasn’t supposed to. Keep in mind that I turned out perfectly fine while watching all sorts of music videos. I’ve seen Britney Spears’ video for “Gimme More” and *gasp* I’m not a stripper! wow! what a miracle! I understand you want to keep your kids safe, but keep them sane too.

• Kristen King
  Mar 18, 2008 at 12:42 am

  Maria, I had to laugh when I read your comment, not because anything you said was particularly laughable, but because I’m only a couple of years older than you and I don’t HAVE kids. :) That being said, I’m a young woman who feels strongly about the sexualization and manipulation of children, and that’s where this opinion is coming from.

  I don’t mean to suggest that I think Carrie Underwood would beat the crap out of some dude’s car because he danced with some skank at a bar. BUT the fact that she sang the song and acted in the video shows, in my opinion, a lack of good judgment. You and I are adults. But when is the last time you met a rational 13-year-old? If your younger sibling is not in any way affected by messages in popular media, I think s/he may be the exception to the rule.

  To paraphrase, you said before that only someone with serious emotional problems would take what they hear in a popular song and act it out. But when was the last time you met a young teen or tween girl who wasn’t desperately trying to find her place in the world, who wasn’t unsure of everything, who wasn’t easily influenced by her friends and what’s cool. Go to any middle school and you’ll see what I’m talking about. Girls in cliques talk the same, dress the same, listen to and watch the same stuff… They’re looking for someone else to show them what to do.

  Give them enough messages like “Before He Cheats” and the visual representation of “Since U Been Gone,” and seriously, what do you think is going to happen? I can tell that you are really grateful to have parents who educated you and are involved in your life because it has made you a confident woman who can think for herself. But there are MILLIONS of girls out there who aren’t that lucky. And they are the ones who truly idolize performers because they have no one to show them how to handle life.

  I didn’t say that I “can’t find” any specific instances of violence related to “Before He Cheats,” though I do think it’s likely that something has happened or will soon. I said that I don’t see value in looking for it. The point is not that teen girls are suddenly becoming violent vengeful harpies — it’s that this is one more example of how screwed up our society is, how much we’re messing with our kids, and how I expected better from Carrie Underwood.

  Additionally, I take offense at this song as a woman and as a human being, because I think it implies that women are powerless rather than empowering them, and advocates revenge and violence, two things I oppose. But that is secondary, because I’m an adult and I know the difference between doing something to sell CDs and directly supporting a lifestyle. But I’m not the target audience, am I? And because I find the song, the video, and the message offensive, I turn off the radio when the song comes on, and I won’t be spending my money on Carrie Underwood because that’s a crappy way to try to sell CDs and I’m not interested. It’s the little things that add up to the big issues we’re dealing with today.

  Even though you don’t agree with me, do you understand what I’m saying?

• Maria
  Mar 18, 2008 at 1:37 pm

  I do see what you’re saying. And I *do* have problems with some of the music out there. But the songs/videos that we’ve mentioned here are pretty benign. I was a middle school girl just four years ago, and I understand that girls are affected by celebrities. But one bad song is not going to turn a good kid into a juvenile. In order for Carrie Underwood to have such a negative effect on a person, that child HAS to have some pre-disposition to commit violent acts. Then the song MIGHT serve to push that one-already violent-child to act on what they’ve already thought about. So I go by what I said before: any kid who wrecks an ex’s car because of a song by Carrie Underwood has some serious personal issues that need to be addressed by someone!

• Heidi
  Apr 24, 2008 at 5:17 am

  Hi to Maria and Kristen, and anyone else who is finding this conversation interesting.
  Kristen, I agree with you that the song sends a negative message to impressionable young women, and that it is important to learn how to handle situations in a healthy manner.
  Maria, I agree with you that anyone who acts out the way Carrie did in the video probably has some underlying emotional issues, and if the person were being rational, they probably wouldn’t respond that way in real life. The key word in all the conversations, and in the lyrics, is probably.
  That being said, I have a friend. . .
  One of my best friends has a bad habit of getting into relationships with jerks. She’s always dated DJ’s or band members, ironically enough, and she’s been cheated on and dumped for other women several times. Last year, she went to go visit her boyfriend at his house, and drove up as he was leaving with his arm around another woman. He saw her, but left without saying anything anyway, and my friend went into his apartment and completely trashed everything. She called me as she was leaving, and the first thing she said was (and I’m not kidding) “You know that song, ‘Before He Cheats’? Well, I just did that to [my boyfriend].” She didn’t mean that she had keyed his car, she meant that she had ruined what was his most valuable possession, his CD collection.
  I don’t think she got the idea from the video, but I do think she probably had a mental picture of that video when she was doing that to her boyfriend’s stuff. It didn’t really do her any good, because the guy told her she was a “psycho [expletive]”, and went on being a jerk, while she ended up moving to another state.
  I’ve had several other friends who have been passive-aggressive in relationships and damaged property, both before and after this song came out. The song isn’t going to make anyone do anything. But kids see their idols act and dress a certain way, and they think that’s the cool way to act or dress. They see how skinny actresses are in magazines, and they start starving themselves. Not all kids have parents or role models who are capable of teaching the correct way to behave and respond to situations, or who even realize they need to be concerned. But Kelly and Carie, who are known as “Idols”, are scrutinized more than most artists, and are held to higher expectations. Having the majority of what they do as very positive is partly why videos like “Before He Cheats” and “Since U Been Gone”, are so detrimental in how they influence kids. Because if it’s okay for Kelly and Carie to do it, when they are really good role models, then how can it not be okay for the kids next door?

Have an opinion? Leave a comment:

• Use this area to discover new blogs and content in the b5media network.
• Beauty & Style
• Business
• Celebrities
• Entertainment
• Health & Wellness
• Lifestyles
• Music
• Sports
• Team Blogs
• Technology
• Travel & Culture
• Video Games