Is It Time to Say Goodbye to Hooking Up?
Laura Sessions Stepp seems to think so, and it’s not a very popular opinion. Her book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both, released on February 15, 2007, is unexpectedly controversial. The focus? The emotional and psychological damaged caused by women’s engagement in casual sex encounters.
And we’re not talking about ‘hos and skanks here. We’re talking about experiences Sessions Stepp gathered over two years of following nine girls ages 15 to 21 — normal, everyday high school and college girls. Today’s New York Times says,
This culture of sexual aggression, [Sessions Stepp] said, often leaves young women physically and emotionally unsatisfied. It leads them to gamble with their health. And by never taking the time to get to know and care about one man, she said, young women may be rendering themselves incapable of forging stable, loving relationships.
I gotta be honest — that didn’t strike me as being particularly controversial. So when I read this, I was really surprised:
To critics, the book…is an odd throwback — not only retro in its point of view, but also out of sync with the current climate of high-achieving girls who are usually applauded for focusing on their careers and their female friends, rather than on finding Mr. Right.
Salon.com likened Unhooked to a “50s-style handbook on appropriate femininity.” Slate magazine said it is alarmist and “makes sex into a bigger, scarier and more dangerous thing than it already is.” A review in The Washington Post by Kathy Dobie, the author of The Only Girl in the Car, said that Ms. Sessions Stepp “resurrects the ugly, old notion of sex as something a female gives in return for a male’s good behavior.”
Many of the critics do not question that hooking up is common in the age group that Ms. Sessions Stepp singles out. In fact, while studies show that fewer teenagers are having sex, other studies of students at individual universities show that the hookup is the predominant way that students sexually interact.
What do you think about hooking up? Do you see young girls being damaged by this practice? Do you think young people’s attitudes toward sex are just a sign of the times? You know I was surprised by these comments, but I’m going to hold off on giving you my opinion until I hear what you think. Lay it on me, ladies!
Contents © Copyright 2007 Kristen King
Tags: and-Lose-at-Both, college, Delay-Love, Health, high-school, hooking-up, Laura-Sessions-Stepp, Sex, teens, Unhooked:-How-Young-Women-Pursue-Sex, woman, women, Womens-Health, Young womenRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Sex
.gif)
8 opinions for Is It Time to Say Goodbye to Hooking Up?
Gayle
Mar 2, 2007 at 2:31 am
To me, hooking up says that sex is more important than emotional relationships. While it certainly may be AS important, I don’t think it is more important. It says that these young women can make a little time for sex, but not for emotions. I don’t find that necessarily wrong, but I do find it very sad. It’s not what I’d want for my teenage daughter. On the other hand, I realize that she’s fast reaching the age where she will make these kinds of decisions for herself. I certainly hope that she has gotten enough from me on how great a good emotional relationship can be, and how great it can be to have a relationship that includes both the physical and emotional.
For some reason, hooking up makes me think of it as being like McSex-the equivalent of making a quick run by the drive-thru when you’re hungry!
By the way, I’ve also posted on this over at Parenting Teens. Drop by and leave me an opinion as well!
Kristen King
Mar 2, 2007 at 4:34 am
Gayle, I think that’s exactly the point. Kids today (I sound so old!) are so focused on going through the motions of a relationship (ie, the sex), but not the E-motions of it. It’s really a shame. I think your McComparison is dead on.
kk
Susan
Mar 2, 2007 at 8:32 pm
You know what else I find unhealthy? Yo-yo relationships. My friends are a few years out of college and many of them are not afraid to commit to a relationship, but some of them are constantly breaking up and getting back together again. One weekend they’re living together, the next they’ve moved out and aren’t on speaking terms, then a few weeks later they’re back to hooking up and thinking about trying a relationship again. And this is a cycle that repeats itself every few MONTHS! That can’t be good for anyone involved. Maybe it’s because they didn’t get relationship experience earlier (see above) and now they want to settle down but don’t feel ready.
Kristen King
Mar 2, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Susan, for REAL! I was in one of those during college, and it sucked. I finally put it out of its misery after like 3 years. And he HATES me. Like, I’ll be talking to a mutual friend and they’ll just be all out of the blue, “Wow, I was talking to XXX last week and he REALLY HATES you.” Uh, yes, that’s what happens when immature people get into relationships they’re not ready for but feel like they need to make work. I’m so glad I figured it out before it was too late…for me, anyway. :[
Sydney
Mar 5, 2007 at 4:19 pm
I think the hookup culture is unhealthy and does not represent progress for women. It promotes a culture in which women (and men for that matter) often are not treated with respect.
The idea that we should treat sex casually when it is so integral to our emotional and physical health is illogical to me. Even casual sex has an emotional impact – acknowledging that fact is integral to maintaining good mental health. Sex’s physical health consequences are too important to dismiss.
Though sex is a serious issue, I doubt casual sex will go away any time soon. Women who decide to have casual sex need to be very conscientious about their sexual health and honest about possible emotional entanglement. I think keeping those two issues in mind might make it somewhat less destructive.
Rose DesRochers
Mar 12, 2007 at 12:53 am
Teens no longer date. They hook up for just sex. It is all about sexual interaction without commitment. That in itself is dangerous and unhealthy. I think that today’s youth is being damaged by this practice.
L. Ann
Mar 23, 2007 at 4:14 pm
I’m a mom of a 15 year old and am struggling a bit trying to absorb daughter’s mindset. She has told me about “hookups” and think she’s involved, though she has “sheltered” me (from too much knowledge!) I’m trying not to look at it morally- know women have drives just as men do. She has always balked at the “double standard”- 3 older brothers have helped her see the inequality. She has to use the Buddy system all the time, etc- boys can walk alone. The horrifying part of it for me is how much girls’ vulnerabiltiy is increased- and for this, you volunteer? STDs & pregnancy can be life altering.
Her grades have gone down, and I think I see depression. Hard to know- teens are up and down already in my house- I’m reassured somewhat by her involvement w/ a nice young man, but she says they are not dating. (Archaic concept.)I think just seeing him makes more sense than the casual encounters that may be occurring-and boys in general need to take a back seat to studies. Welcome to my hoped-for dream world-she’s a high achiever and I think hooking up is bringing her down. Maybe this will all breeze by and get resolved- mainly I want to be sure she has protection and knowledge, not generate guilt, and help her if requested to do so.
Kristen King
Mar 23, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Girl, you’re her mom. You don’t have to wait for her to ask you for help. In fact, she may never actually ask for it even though she wants it. It’s a fine line between over-parenting and under-parenting, that balance of just enough involvement to keep them safe and help them grown without hindering their sense of individuality. But if her grades are going down and you’re concerned that she’s depressed, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Better to act now and head off a bigger problem.
Good luck, momma.
kk
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: